


Being Found

by ElisabethIvy22



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Recovery, Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-03
Updated: 2019-05-03
Packaged: 2020-02-16 17:03:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18695674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElisabethIvy22/pseuds/ElisabethIvy22
Summary: Rafael Barba’s journey to recovery, and rediscovering purpose





	Being Found

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: This work is based from a psychological point. With that comes from self destroying thoughts who might trigger certain readers. Please refrain from continuing if you feel like it’s too much for you. I am not to hurt anyone mentally.

A bottle clinked at the foot of the sofa, then fall a short distance to the floor and rolled to the coffee table. The noise caused Rafael to stir snd pull the pillow forward. He opened his eyes an inch and closed them, pulling the pillow over his eyes and turned away from the sun. He didn’t have to get up, because there was no reason to even move. What would be the purpose? Just to face this unbearable emptiness? He’d rather not wake up. Why did his body let him even wake up? He turned over on his back, facing the ceiling. Rafael fell into this trance, watching the ceiling fan spin above him. He was lost in thought, trying to figure what and where he went wrong. He was supposed to be guilty. He was supposed to be killed in prison. He murdered a child. The justice system said so. Rafael was so sure this would do it, and it would prevent him from living with this, this inclination finally got the best of him. Rafael couldn’t behave like that to work as a prosecutor. He always was sharp, quick, to the point with no funny business attached. He made cases to put the bad guys away, and now he had been on the other side, in the position of everyone he put away. He felt the fear, until it numbed. To get through, he would put his mind on autopilot. He couldn’t feel anything but the shame from letting it escalate so far. He made everything worse, because he had one thing that made him unsuitable to be a prosecutor now. What was his purpose? He had to start over, but who was he now? 

His phone rang on the coffee table, clanking as it vibrated. Rafael looked it at it and then stared at the ceiling again. Any average day he’d jump to it, see how Liv would ruin his day but today, the point was mute. He had nothing to give, no way he could help. Rafael was little to no one now. It kept buzzing in his ear and he took a breath in frustration. “Hello.” He spoke in a bitter tone of voice. “Barba, Sonny.” It was Carisi, calling to check on his friend. “I didn’t know it would go like this. I am sorry I wasn’t there.” Sonny cleared his throat. Rafael didn’t speak still. “If you need anything, I’m here. I know you’re tough and all that, but I can still come by if you need to complain.” Rafael opened his mouth to speak, but didn’t. It wasn’t reasonable to take out the pain on him, it wasn’t fair. He took a breath, his defeated demeanor seeping deeper, but was he defeated just enough to let someone in? “Um, yeah. I could use a little help, getting rid of some files.” Sonny instantly wanted to move from his desk, but remembered shift wasn’t over. “I got an hour before I get done. I’ll be over then.” Rafael felt a little piece of the world come off. “Sure.”

They hung up, and in an instant, Rafael sprang up from the couch. He kicked the bottle aside, then picked it up quickly because it couldn’t stay on the floor. 

He threw it away.


End file.
